My fellow citizens, it is time for us to change the name of our country to Republic of Scamia (or Scamistan in Hindustani). We have been no good as Republic of India (Hindustan or Bharatvarsh which ever you prefer) for we have failed as a state to live on the principles of honesty, truth, equality and justice. However over the years, we are developing very fast as a nation of scheming, money laundering, unscrupulous and corrupt citizens of the world with the political leaders falling over each other to reach the goal of most corrupt. We are soon going to overtake Somalia, North Korea and Afghanistan as the worlds most corrupt country. This is a time to rejoice and actually is a matter of joy and celebration. So to celebrate this occasion of becoming the most corrupt country in the world, I place before you Citizens of India, a new name for our country :
REPUBLIC OF SCAMIA
With the new name we will have a new constitution which will make all scams, cheatings, money laundering and illegal hoardings of goods and food grains legal. In fact the rich and super rich now won't have to go to the snobby bankers of Switzerland, Lichenstein, Cayman Islands, St.Kitts and Nevis, Grand Turk and Caicos Islands etc. to launder their money, for money laundering will be made legal in Scamia. Not only money laundering will be made legal, it will form a part of our constitution and we shall strive to take over the No.1 place to launder money from these Tax havens by 2020.
With a new name, we should also have a new currency. Over the years we have found out that Havala transactions are more accountable than our accounts. In fact the name Havala grants a degree of respectability to the currency, that is why I propose the new currency of Scamia shall be named as Havala. The symbol of Havala will H. Havala(H) will overtake US Dollar as the worlds preferred currency by the year 2020, by virtue of being the money of choice for smuggling, money laundering and price manipulating of the shares in the share markets. Leaders of other corrupt countries will invest in Havala(H) to gain maximum benefits from the fact that it will be No.1 currency in 2020. This in turn will be win win situation for us as we will hoard and launder money at our will and fancy. 1 Havala(H) shall be equal to 100 Hafta. Hafta as we know is legal tender in many cities today. It is a gratification given to the Police and other authorities to turn a blind eye to the illegal business being carried out. Therefore it is most natural that our sub currency should be named Hafta.
Next on the agenda is the leaders and the public servants. Only those who prove to be corrupt and have a brain for devising the best methods to take bribe money will be eligible for high posts. The ones who are most corrupt will be the cabinet ministers. The less corrupt ones will be named Secretaries etc. Those less corrupt then them, will be the normal workers for the Government of Scamia Corruption will be the only criteria for selection of candidates for working in the Government of Scamia And the Prime Minister will be the one who can tells us convincingly that there are diamonds in the coal mines in Niyamgiri in Odisha and oil from the vast Rann of Kutch and sell these to our country men at the highest rate in Havala
With the constitution comes reservations. I propose that the jobs and seats in colleges be reserved as follows :
Those taking bribes from odinary people like the Traffic police, municipalty, police etc. : 10 %
Those taking bribes from business men : 30 %
Those dealing in coal, 2G, 3G and other G's to follow : 50 %
Rest of reservation will be only for those who take kickbacks in dollars.
Keeping the constitution in mind, the police and the lower rung bureaucrats, technocrats will be appointed on basis of auctions. Right from constables to the highest post will be put to auctions. Those bidding in offshore dollars will be given the highest preference over local Havala(H) bidders. This will ensure that Havala(H) gains preference over dollar in the international market.
Banking is the mainstay of any nation. Over the years our banks have failed to launder money on the scale of the masterful Swiss banks. We will therefore invite the choicest Swiss bankers to Scamia to run our banks for a period of 5 years. After that, we will learn to launder money ourselves.
We will procure our defence requirements from the likes of Adnan Khashoggi, Dale Stoffel, Dr.Moosa Bin Samsher, Samuel Cummings, Fares Mana'a, Sarkhis Soghanailan(I believe some of their ilk are still free and running the business even more profitably), the Uzbek, Siberian or the Russian Mafia. Our nuclear requirements can be met by North Korea, Ukrainian Mafia and Iran. We will enter into Free Trade Pact with Somalia, Iraq, Afghanistan, North Korea, Ethiopia, Columbia(provided FARC gets into power), Spain (provided ETA gets into power) and Cuba.
We can import oil from Venezuela and Iran, in return we can hurl abuses at USA whenever they want and impose trade and economic sanctions against USA if they so desire(remember Havala(H) will be number one currency).
This is the gist of the new Republic. If you have any more suggestions, kindly post in your recommendations. But be sure that they deal with corruptions, scams, money laundering etc. Honest and truthful views are not allowed and will be view seriously by the Republic of Scamia.
Vijay Prabhu
(This is my take on the current events taking place in India, my country). If you like my views click on the link to know more!
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